"It's just a spark, but it's enough, to keep me going"

So this is an attempt to start writing a blog and definitely get hugely internet famous and have loads of groupies and this is all definitely going to happen without fail...

I'll try to write something everyday for as long as I can, mainly for my benefit, as sort of a diary, but one that other people can read as well, so people who want to can learn a bit more about the life of Jack. The topic each day may change depending on my mood, but I'll try and stick to "something that I've learned today".

This could be something academically, for example, yesterday I learnt how to say "Never gonna give you up" in Russian (никогда уступлю тебя for anyone even remotely interested) but today's is going to be more musical. The title of each post, by the way, is going to be a line from a song that really got me today, and I'll try to vary them, 'cos otherwise a lot of them would be very similar.

Today I spent a lot of time on my bill at uni, after my last workshop of the day I had a meeting, but there was an hour gap, so lots of time to spend self contemplating and listening to some of my vast collection of music. One of the songs that came up was, as you may have guessed from the title, Last Hope by Paramore, off their latest album. Since I first got the album last year, it's always been one of my favourites (I'm a sucker for a big powerful crescendo in a song), but today I realised how much it applies to me. I often have "dark moods" which are really not fun, especially when they're particularly bad. Occasionally I've thought that I should talk to someone about it, but I always dismiss the idea because:

a) I'm shy as fuck* and

b) I feel like I'm wasting people's time

I never judge them serious enough to warrant prioritising myself over others, so I just plod on, not knowing what tomorrow will bring. But even when I'm at my lowest there's something that always holds me back from doing something stupid. And this song, by Paramore, a band that's not really known for deep meaningful lyrics, gets right to what I feel. There's a spark that makes me hold on, and that made me feel really good about myself. There's not a lyric which doesn't apply to how I feel on most days, but that it's so positive, it's a morale booster.

So I don't want people asking if I'm OK, 'cos I will just brush you off. But a smile is always hopeful, and can be a part of my spark

Jack

* Yeah, some people may take this as a little strange, as I have recently dyed my hair bright turquoise, but I don't mind being the centre of attention, so long as I don't have to talk to people about it. I definitely feel that my life's calling is to be a museum exhibit....


Song: Last Hope
Artist: Paramore
Album: Paramore (2013)